The United States Department of Fish and Wildlife has arrested Santa Claus, an elusive figure with many aliases (e.g., St. Nicholas). On the morning of 24 December, 150 heavily armed Fish and Wildlife special agents raided Claus’ North Pole compound, seized several tons of exotic woods forbidden by the Lacey Act, arrested Santa Claus and a female accomplice identified only as Mrs. Claus, and liberated thousands of diminutive slave labourers known only as “Elves”. Claus has been charged with multiple counts of money laundering, illegal exportation of currency, illegally importing into the United States toys made of contraband–rare woods, ivory and other banned substances. He has also been charged with violations of slave labor and child labor laws, hundreds of patent and trademark violations, and illegally entering and exiting the United States. Indeed, Fish and Wildlife agents also seized an unidentified aircraft called a “sleigh” which had numerous secret compartments holding the contraband. Fish and Wildlife agents charged Mr. Claus with animal cruelty with regard to the caribou that he used to launch this “sleigh”.
Special Agent Hugo Smith said, “We arrived just in the nick of time. A moment later, and the caribou would have launched the sleigh and Claus would have escaped with the illegal materials. By now, he would be in the United States, breaking into people’s houses and selling this stuff.”
The United States Department of Immigration and the Internal Revenue Service have also had their eyes on Mr. Claus. An immigration official who also attended the raid said that they were able to obtain several dozen passports. He said, “It seems that this Santa Claus character has a different name in every country–his EU passport says, ‘Father Christmas’ and his Canadian passport says, ‘Père Noël’. We have, however, determined with certainty that Santa Claus is a United States citizen.” Apparently Claus worked in Hollywood during the 1940s and 50s making autobiographical films, such as Miracle on 34th Street. During that time he applied for and received U.S. citizenship.
Douglas Shulman, Commissioner of the IRS, has released the following statement:
At long last, the notorious tax cheat, Santa Claus, has been apprehended. He has been living in a foreign country for the last 50 years and during that time he has not filed his US taxes even once. It has become clear, however, that he has run a lucrative business at the North Pole and has never reported any of the income. In addition to criminal tax evasion, we intend to charge Santa Claus with 190 counts of criminal failure to file Foreign Bank Account Reports (FBAR), as we found evidence in his papers that he is operating or has signing authority on bank accounts in 190 different countries. It is our contention that the fines alone could help us bring billions in revenue into the United States government.
According to United States law, all United States Citizens are required to pay taxes to the IRS and to report any foreign bank accounts. Failure to obey these filing requirements may result in civil and criminal penalties including imprisonment.
The Obama administration declared that they were very pleased with the news. “It is about time,” Obama said from his Hawaian retreat, “that the United States returned those who have fled the country just because they don’t feel like paying their fair share anymore.”
The Republican candidate for president, Ron Paul criticized the raid, “The United States has neither the authority nor the right to go into another country and enforce its laws. Santa Claus is a citizen of the North Pole and it is overreach for us to go there and arrest him.” Also running for president, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich responded to Paul, “The United States must reserve the right to arrest terrorists and to violate the rule of law in order to provide safety for the People of the United States.” Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada said that his government did everything that they could to help the United States, even to the point of allowing the use of Canadian air space. “We are cooperating with the good faith efforts of the United States to eliminate terrorists in order to maintain the safety and security of all Canadians.”
6 thoughts on “'Twas the Night Before FATCA!”
Love it! I’m not a poet, but here’s my addition:
OK, I know louse should be plural, but that doesn’t rhyme.
On the night they passed FATCA
All through the House
MP Reddy was laughing
Oh what a louse.
glad to see you guys still have your sense of humour. I’m pretty bummed – woke up in a bad mood – happy canada day. NOT! Maybe trying to come up with a verse will help. will see what I can do…
Good additional verse, Tricia. I think s/b Keddy, one of the laughing MPs:
We have Canadian Conservative MP Gerald Keddy (contrary to what the US DOS says) stating in the May 29, 2014 Standing Committee on Finance, FINA 39 :
” This, again, is a tax for U.S. citizens. If you’re the son or the daughter of an American and you’ve been born in Canada outside the jurisdiction of the United States, you’re not automatically a U.S. citizen. What I’m hearing from the opposition is somehow you are. You are absolutely not. You have to apply for U.S. citizenship on or before your 18th birthday and it’s not a guarantee. It’s an application form.
But as for the children of American parents, as was mentioned by Mr. Rankin, or an American mother or an American father born in Canada, they’re not automatically American. “
In the same meeting, Conservative MP Gerald Keddy also states:
” Mr. Chairman, I’m going to try to correct the record here a tiny bit, and I’m sure it’ll need correcting again. To be clear, RESPs and RRSPs are not subject to American taxes under this, and we have experts here if you want to follow up with them. “
This is contrary to the answer to my question of my US tax lawyer re how my son’s RDSP was US-taxed to me:
The answer to your question is a bit nuanced.
1. If the sponsor of an RDSP (or RESP for that matter) is a US person then (US person analysis of the beneficiary is irrelevant):
a. The income generated by the RDSP is taxed to the US person sponsor currently as it is earned
b. The grant is taxed to the US person sponsor when it is distributed to the beneficiary
c. US person sponsor must file 3520A annually
d. US person sponsor must file 3520 annually
2. If the sponsor of a RDSP (or RESP) is NOT a US person, AND the beneficiary is a US person then:
a. The income generated by the RDSP (RESP) is taxed to the US beneficiary currently as it is earned
b. The grant is taxed to the US person beneficiary when it is distributed
c. US person beneficiary must file 3520 annually (no 3520A)
NEITHER RDSPs nor RESPs ARE COVERED BY THE TREATY (Canada / US Tax Treaty)
The Conservatives also have the talking point that Canadian registered accounts are exempt under the FATCA IGA signed with the US. Yes, they are exempt for the banks to have to report to the CRA to then be turned over to the US IRS. They ARE NOT at all exempt for the individuals to report on US tax returns or Foreign Bank Account Reports (FBARs, FINCEN 114) which now are required to be electronically filed with FINCEN, Financial Crimes Enforcement Network.
and listened to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANqVaEpRi_4
Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2014 9:19 PM
Subject: Re: Today’s Parliamentary session…
Thanks for this, carol. Sorry I got the facts a little wrong but the point was not missed. They were quite rude. Brown (Leeds grenville), keddy, and storseth were the loudest.
I’ll keep pushing.
To even begin to sort this out for information our financial institutions will now require to certify to the US that they are in compliance with FATCA, we need to get Conservative MPs like Gerald Keddy to commit to their statements so we can take that information to our local Canadian “foreign financial institutions” that such persons ARE NOT to be deemed US citizens and NOT have the same benefit from a Registered Disability Savings Plan or a Registered Education Savings Plan as any other Canadian with these Canadian registered investments.
That was MP Gerald Keddy not Reddy. (I see calgary411 caught that.) Otherwise — good one! Keep them coming. Now, it’s such a small thing, an apostrophe, and I often misplace it myself in “its” and “it’s” but I think the correct placement in “twas” is before the “t” not after. It takes the place of “i” in “it was”. So ’twas nice of you to say I am a “young lady” (LOL) when I am actually quite old and aging in dog years. I figure in 2 years of FATCA stress I advanced into my decrepitude by a whopping 10 years. John, Peter and you did a wonderful show together. What a great thing when there is actually a fair amount of time to deal with the issue of FATCA — it’s just too complex a topic for short interviews.
Yes of course, I always neglect to proofread! Keddy, not quite but almost top of my list (that spot reserved for Shulman – vicious).
Thanks for correction – have never thought about it in all these years! However, to this day, never can be sure of its and it’s. doh!